10 Powerful Quotes About Ending Men’s Violence Against Women

In the past, I have shared various quotes by men about our role in ending violence against women, and I wanted to gather my favorites here in hopes that you will share them with the boys and men in your life.

Jackson Katz

Via Half the Sky Movement

Ban-ki-moon

Via UN Women

Patrick Stewart

Via MTV Act

obama-assault-v1p1

Via This is Personal

Don 2

Via seraphmachine

jimmy carter

Via Eyes on Life

Carlos Andres

Via Breakthrough Tumblr

Men-Can-Stop-Rape-Where-Do-You-Stand-Poster-8

Via Upworthy

Desmond Tutu

Via Walk Free

Jeff Bridges

Via Half the Sky Movement

Share your favorite men’s anti-violence quote or meme in the comments section below.

Give the Gift of Healthy Masculinity

A gift for you

Like many, I love the holiday season. It’s a great time of year to visit with loved ones, get some much needed rest, and give (and receive) gifts. As you begin to think about what gifts you plan on exchanging with your friends, family members, loved-ones, classmates and co-workers, I thought I would share some gift suggestions for the men in your life.

Books

Reading is one of my favorite things to do, so books are always at the top of my list of gifts to give and receive. Three new books I would recommend are The Education of Kevin Powell A Boys Journey into Manhood by Kevin Powell, Manhood: How to Be a Better Man-or Just Live With One by Terry Crews and Breaking Out of the “Man Box” by Anthony Porter. These books allow men to explore masculinity from various perspectives.

T-Shirts

Give a t-shirt. It’s a simple way for men to share the message of non-violence and healthy masculinity, as well as support survivors. White Ribbon Campaign sells one of my favorite t-shirts, It’s On Us has t-shirts that support the campaign from the White House and Generation Progress intended to change the culture around campus sexual assault. For the musicians in your life, check-out the 1BlueString Store for t-shirts and a few other gift ideas.

Donations

Make a donation to your local rape crisis center in the name of a man in your life. Making this type of donation will inspire these men to continue donating their time and money to these organizations. Also, consider giving a TAASA membership. An annual membership supports TAASA’s efforts to end sexual violence in Texas.

Subscriptions to Magazines

In place of giving the guys in your life a subscription to a contemporary men’s magazine, give them an annual subscription to a magazine, like Voice Male or 4Fathers instead. Both will help to inspire, challenge, and transform their relationships.

Time

Finally, one of the greatest gifts that we can give is our time. Commit to spending time with the boys and men in your life by being a Compadre, becoming a coach, serving as a mentor with Big Brothers or volunteering with Watch D.O.G.S..

As you continue to look for the perfect gift for the men in your life, ask yourself: does the gift I’m giving challenge traditional notions of masculinity, or does it reinforce strict gender norms? And, whatever you decide, make your giving memorable and meaningful. Give a gift of healthy masculinity.

Domestic Violence is a Men’s Issue

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The goal of this month is to increase public awareness about the realities of domestic violence and to encourage all individuals to take action by being a part of the solution by preventing violence before it occurs.

Men historically have not been engaged in preventing violence against women and children. Yet, men can play a key role in setting social norms for other men-whether by permitting and perpetrating inappropriate male behavior or, conversely, by promoting more positive attitudes and behavior related to violence against women.

Domestic violence is a serious problem for women, men and children. Nearly one-third of American women report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point. The National Domestic Violence Hotline received 334,917 calls from individuals impacted by domestic violence from around the country in 2015. These are only the individuals who have the courage and strength to come forward for help. There are thousands more who don’t come forward out of fear.

This month I encourage all individuals to support the survivors of domestic violence, and I challenge them to be a part of the preventive solution. I believe that men, as fathers, brothers, coaches, teachers, uncles and mentors, are in a unique position to prevent domestic violence through action and conversation.

I invite men of all ages to stand with me as we remember the 158 women who were killed in Texas by domestic violence by wearing purple on October 20, 2016. Together we can prevent domestic violence.

¿Qué es un “machista”?

052011-sports-savage

Machismo – el simple hecho de ésta palabra revuelve un sinfín de emociones. Para algunos, les produce un orgullo de hombre, y para otros, expone a la negatividad y el abuso. Creciendo, asocié ésta palabra con una cosa; la lucha libre. Mi luchador favorito fué Randy “Macho Man” Savage, y después de ver sus muy conocidas movidas en TV, trataba de imitar todo con mi hermano menor y con mi padrastro durante las luchas, demostrando así que yo también podía ser “macho”. En aquel momento, la palabra “macho” personificaba lo que yo quería ser – un luchador que fuese genial, poderoso, fuerte, y en control. Después de todo, éstas características no solo eran la imagen de mi luchador favorito, pero también estaban siendo actuadas en frente de mi por otros hombres en mi propia familia y comunidad. Estaba siendo condicionado a ser un hombre macho o machista, pero ¿qué significa éso? ¿Qué es un machista?

Muchos estudios se han conducido para responder ésta misma pregunta, pero una cadena de respuestas conflictivas aún existen. Por cada conotación de la palabra “macho”, parece haber un debate filosofical. La definición literal, sin embargo, es muy difícil de refutar. En simple terminos, la palabra “macho” significa una cosa – “hombre”. La palabra “machista”, por lo tanto, es actualmente algo redundante porque ser un macho es simplemente ser hombre.

El choque sobre machismo ocurre cuando la gente empieza a identificar ser “macho” con ser “hombre”. Los niños aprenden ser hombres a través del televisor, música, películas, literatura, y más importante, de los hombres que existen en sus vidas. Cuando van creciendo, por lo tanto, cada hombre deberá decider por él mismo que tipo de hombre quiere ser. ¿Pondrá las drogas y el alcohól antes que a su familia ó vendrá entusiásta a su hogar para dedicarle tiempo a su esposa e hijos? ¿Será el esposo que golpea a su mujer así como su padre golpeó a su madre ó será el que tratará a su pareja con igualdad y compartirá las responsabilidades del hogar? ¿Se reunirá con sus amigos para hacer bromas racistas, anti-feministas, u homofóbicas, ó sera el que busca entendimiento para esos que son diferentes a él? ¿Será el que engatuse a otros jóvenes a participar en prácticas chovinistas, ó servirá como un modelo positivo a seguir, desafiando estereotipos tradicionales? Al final, solo él puede decidir.

Para mi, el fanático de la lucha libre, la decisión llegó después de mucho autodescubrimiento. Llegué a la conclusión de abrazar la idea de que ser un macho -es ser un hombre- sin todas las ideas preconcebidas. Hay mucho espacio para el error cuando tienes que descifrar las cosas por tu propia cuenta. Así, aunque tenga una imagen clara de que clase de hijo, hermano, amigo, y esposo quiero ser, aún necesito ayuda y apoyo ocasional de los hombres en mi vida para asegurarme de que mi imagen permanesca enfocada.

Todo hombre necesita pintar su propia imagen de qué clase de hombre quiere ser, y si suficientes hombres pintaran con respeto, entonces tal vez, una gran obra de arte de tolerancia y no-violencia sería creada en nuestras comunidades.

20 Useful Videos to Engage Men in Gender-Based Violence Prevention Work

Now that you’re well into another busy school year of working with men on college campuses, military bases, athletic teams, places of worship, etc., I thought it would be a great time to share my collection of videos that I use on a regular basis in my work to train prevention workers on strategies to engage men in gender-based violence prevention work.

The Ladder of Manhood presented by Jeff Perera

Masks Off – A Challenge to Men by Jeremy Loveday

A Call to Men presented by Tony Porter of A Call to Men

 When by Breakthrough

Violence Against Women – It’s A Men’s Issue presented by Jackson Katz

Porque by National Latino Network

It Ends Where it Begins by White Buffalo Calf Women

Shit Men Say to Men Who Say Shit to Women on the Street by Stop Street Harassment

Be That Guy by Breakthrough

It’s On Us: Sexual Assault PSA by The White House

Man Prayer written by Eve Ensler for V-Day

The Heart of A Boy – Tuval’s Story by  It Starts With You

Men. Lead by Example by Vera House

Men Against Sexual Assault by The University of Arizona 

The BeMore Campaign by The Family Partnership

A Needed Response by Samantha Stendal

MCN’s Engaging Migrant Men: Para. Manténgase calmado. Y evite la violencia. by Migrant Clinician’s Network

Emma Watson HeForsShe Speech at the United Nations by HeForShe Campaign

Be A Man presented by Joe Ermann

Red Riots: Coaching Boys Into Men by Futures Without Violence

Please share the videos you use in your prevention work with men in the comments section below.